I am unmanned.

My shell lies in ruins. My armor is stripped from me. There is nothing. clipeum mei iacit. arma mei iacit. animus frangit.
There is nothing anymore. I lie naked for all to taunt. All to harm. I cannot defend myself. My power, the thing which defined me, is no more. There is nothing left here. Nothing.

I am no saint. But no one deserves this feeling. The feeling of emptiness. The feeling you have nothing to live for. I just want to die. There is nothing i want more right now than to be removed from this earth. No one would miss me. 'love don't live here anymore', love never lived with me Dallas, it never did. I am unloved. There is nothing for me to live for. My existance is flawed. Maybe i'm not the violent, angry man that i portray, but at least anger held me, transfixed me, like the lover i never had. Now i have nothing. Nothing. 'You've abandoned me.'

I watch the clouds roll past. And i can't help feel that perhaps you were right. Perhaps i do need councilling. But you know what, i refuse. I am the councillor, not the councillee. No one listens to my problems. No one. I would never have it like that. Strength is a plus. I loved my strength. Loved it. I still do. But it seems my friends do not like me this way. They do not like the head-strong, lone ranger that i portrayed myself to be. I just wanted to be different from the crowd, i still wanted to be loved. But it seems that will never happen. Love has found another home. And it will never be mine. I'm not angry with you. I would never hurt you, or your friends. I am a mercenary. Tash told me to punch ollie because she wouldn't do that to him, he would not take it seriously. I am a mercenary, i will do anything. I only hit him because she asked. And i wasnt even that hard, just a gut punch. You say that no one can live a full life whilst they're angry. I agree to an extent.

(did a maths paper)

what can i do? I need my friends support. But only one friend, i would rather your amigo was not informed of my situation.

You broke me today. Broke me like i have never been broken before. But you can fix me, or change me. I would appreciate it if you did. For me at least. Please, take the weekend to relax, but next week, sit down with me and talk to me. I swear that i would never hurt you, and if i did, my life is forfit. It will be yours to do as you wish. You do not have to except my pleas. I have lived fine up till today, and i will continue as i am. You came so close to bringing me to tears today, so close. I would never want to cry infront of you again. I swore i would never cry again a long time ago. It has been more than 10 weeks since i last did. This is an effort for me. I am an emotional mess, so i cry alot. This is why i did not want you to unearth the true me. The true me is weak. He is pathetic. Like a sparrow to an eagle. The eagle is strong, represents hope, and courage. The sparrow represents cowardice, and weakness. I wished to be the eagle, but you have torn me down to a sparrow.

verbus aio nullos est.

adiuve me.