fuck this

Don't you just fucking hate you parents?
Or is it just me.
I'm still living at home, at least for the next few months, and i've hit the stage where i don't want to anymore, i feel unwelcome, i feel too big for it. I just want to run away. I fucking hate my family like that. My mother is a bitch, she thinks she can rule my life. She is scared of me though. She knows that i can hurt her so much more than she can hurt me. We have had several fights through the years, the earliest one i can remember is me, aged about 6 telling her that i wasn't going to school and she was going to have to fight me to get me to go out of the door, lets just say, i wasn't as strong then as i am now.
We have just had another one of the famous Hoggarth/Marley scraps, but this time, as ever i was in the ascendency.
I don't like hitting women, it is something i won't do. But pushing is not hitting in my book. And i used my surroundings to combat the bitch to begin with. She is currently washing lemon barley water out of her wretched hair. Fucking whore.
We don't get on, i have described this tamely here though. Nothing like it usually is. We do not get on. I was going to go to Rome this summer with my family, i have pulled out. If someone wants to let me stay at theres in early september i would be most thankful. And if someone would let me sleep on there couch for the next few weeks in school, then i would be very thankful.

I was sitting in latin earlier, and i was scanning through some old passages, and i found one which is very much relevent to my current life. It is by Catullus, but it is not some form of literary erotica like lots of his work is, it describes how he feels following the abandonment of the girl he loves.
Fitting or what? I've changed it a bit to fit my current situation.
Here it is:

Miser Jamule, dēsinās ineptīre,
et quod vidēs perīsse perditum dūcās.
Fulsēre quondam candidī tibī sōlēs,
cum ventitābās quō puella ducēbat
amāta nōbīs quantum amābitur nūlla.
Ibi illā multa cum iocosa fiebant,
quae tū volebas nec puella nolebat,
fulsēre vērē candidī tibī sōlēs.
Nunc iam illa nōn vult: tu quoque impotēns nōlī,
nec quae fugit sectare, nec miser vīve,
sed obstinātā mente perfer, obdūrā.
Valē puella. Iam Jamulus obdūrat,
nec tē requīret nec rogābit invītam.
At tū dolebis, cum rogāberis nūlla.
Scelesta, vae tē! quae tibī manet vīta?
Quis nunc tē adībit? Cui vidēberis bella?
Quem nunc amābis? Cuius esse dīcēris?
Quem bāsiābis? Cui labella mordēbis?
At tū, Catulle, dēstinātus obdūrā.

It basically means, James, stop feeling so bad for yourself, you can pick yourself up from this, you are a hardened sole, and this life is yours for the taking. It also has a little bit of slating at the bottom, but you know, anger is still there for me so i care little.

Anyway, i hope you guys can tell i'm feeling better.

I love you all

Jx

Song of the day: Violence - Blink 182
Quote of the day: 'Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy' - Robert Anthony