Going away to college

Please take me by the hand
It's so cold out tonight
I'll put blankets on the bed
I won't turn out the light
Just don't forget to think about me
And I won't forget you
I'll write you once a week she said

Why does it feel the same
To fall in love or break it off
And if young love is just a game
Then I must have missed the kick off
Don't depend on me to ever follow through on anything
But I'd go through hell for you and

[Chorus:]
I haven't been this scared in a long time
And I'm so unprepared so here's your valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody
This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful to me

I'll think about the times
She kissed me after class
And she put up with my friends
I acted like an ass
I'd ditch my lecture to watch the girls play soccer
Is my picture still hanging in her locker?

[Chorus x2]


Thats the blink 182 song going away to college. Some of it is rather apt. I mean, i honestly haven't been this scared in a long time. And i am really unprepared. It just made me realise again that i'm so scared for tomorrow. I haven't done anything like this before. And i know that some of my readers are out there now, living away from home and have got all of this sorted. My friends who are at boarding schools will already know all of this, they know what to look for. But i don't. I'm honestly petrified. And i watched a programme in the week about these 8 year olds who can do it. But i'm so scared. How did these kids do it, and why can't i? Is it that i'm gonna miss my home, or that i'm going to miss my family or that i'm doing to miss my friends, or something else? I know that it'll be great when i get there. But now its just petrifying. Its just this last few hours. And what if i don't like it? I can't leave! Gods help me.

So fucking nervous i want to scream. Cry. But then im so excited that i want to smile, i want to hug someone. I want to jump up and down.

I think that this might be a blog that has more to it than just me being nervous. So im gonna open my heart again. Lottie, it was great to see you on Tuesday. I wish i could see you more than i do. I'll come back and see you. I promise. I hope you enjoy the impromptu birthday present. And i hope that you do really well in this years studies and your exams. I know you'll do well. But if you for some unthinkable reason you don't, then i'll be here for you. I'll let you come stay at mine, i'll drop out so that you can have my place. You mean the world to me. xxxx
Emma it was also good to see you the other day, i'm sorry that i was high. Its also been great to talk to you recently. I missed not talking to you this holiday, but i think it probably did us both good. I think that i means you can now trust me, and i can now not be a total doochebag. You showed me that you think you can now trust me. And i think that i can now trust me. Good luck this year. You deserve to do well, and im sure that you'll ace your exams. And the same applies as above.

There are others, but i just took a while out.

My dad just played some pool with me. He won. But its cool. I'm gonna miss being able to do that. Just play some pool against my dad. Sucks.

Oh well. Nerves are a good thing. I've met all my roommates which is nice :)

Lottie call me tomorrow night please, i want to hear you, i hope you can calm me.

Anyway,
Goodnight, tomorrow is a new dawn, and the new start of my life. A door is open, im just nervous to step through it.

Wish me luck
x

3 days to go.

Well i'm leaving home in 3 days.
Shit.

Well this is weird. I didn't think i'd actually be nervous, but i'm bricking myself. The longest i've been away from my family before is 8 days. I think i'm going to see them either at rugby school leave out, which is in 10ish days, or i'll be seeing them the week after that. My dad has just got a new job in Birmingham so i'll be able to see him which will be nice. I've gone and got all my stuff, new clothes, new pots and pans, new bedding. Fun. But i'm still fucking nervous. I watched a programme lastnight about kids that go to boarding school at 8 and i'm thinking that if they can do it, so can i. I know that i'm now in the majority. None of the people going will have lived away from home before. But i think perhaps if i'd boarded in the 6th form, or done some weekly boarding, but of course rugby didn't do it. I think they should. But thats just me.

I'm still really really nervous. I met a load of my flat mates today which was good. Theres me, another guy and 2 girls. I'm not sure about anyone else, i think its a 5 person flat so there should be one more person. I've bought a load of food, i still need a kettle. I hope someone brings a kettle, and a toaster. And maybe a TV. I'll miss 300 on sunday night. And probably the inbetweeners on monday.

Still, it'll be fine. I hope. If anyone wants to give me some tips on boarding i'd be really happy. Please.

Anyway, i'm going to go and get my back and legs destroyed tomorrow my a masseure. God help me.

x

A week before uni

One to go. Fun times.

Watching the inbetweeners, fucking funny. Tony the Tiger, slow time. haha. Simon Bird is well funny.

Anyway, i have a list of stuff i still need to get for next year. Lots of small things, like tin openers.
I also need to buy myself a jacket. I was looking for something in leather, but can't find anything for less than 250 quid. I'm willing to pay 100 max. If anyone knows anything, let me know. Its also gonna have to be an extra large. What, i'm not little.

Been listening to a lot of hip-hop recently. I'm currently listening to a man called slug. He's pretty fucking sick. He's rhymes are unreal.

Anyway, if you want to listen to some of it, i recommend any or all of the songs pour me another (another poor me), the woman with the tattooed hands, or fuck you lucy.

If you want something a little more chilled in tone, but with just as much meaning i recommend some dan le Sac vs. Scroobius Pip. I suggest waiting for the beat to kick in. It makes you think.

Or if yo uwant something which is just wrong, then godzilla slang by dr.syntax ft. stig of the dump is also good. Or of course, theres the Geto boys.
Haha.

Anyway, will be in Rugby tomorrow.
x

Europa league tonight.
Liverpool vs. Steaua Bucharest.
No gerrard or torres.
Idiot.

Last season we hit the semi finals before loosing to Athletico in extra time of the second leg. Athletico went on to win it beating Roy Hodgson's Fulham in the final. Hodgson is now Liverpool manager. If he looses tonight, he's in the shit. We need to win tonight, maybe only 1-0 or 2-1. But we need it. Joe Cole starts. He's played twice for liverpool at anfield so far. He's been sent off once and missed a penalty. I'm not sure if he's the man. He maybe, but who knows.

Man Utd at the weekend. At Old Trafford. Not easy.

Anyway.

I now have somewhere to live in Birmingham, finally. Im literally on the cricket ground which is a good thing. I also know someone whose in a nearby flat. So im close which is a really good thing. Cost me 5k for 42 weeks which is fucking horrible considering my student loan is only 3.5k. Im gonna be in debt.... sucks.

Not much to add really. My life seems a bit boring. Mainly just gymming it. Listening to some awesome hip hop and just chilling.

x

Sports Bi-monthly

So yeah, as well as doing a monthly gaming entry, i thought i'd do a quick sports entry as well. Its probably gonna be every two weeks, but that maybe every week or, maybe every month. But yeah, lots of stuff has happened in the sporting world recently, so i thought now would be a good time.

Wayne Rooney, England football superstar, Manchester United Icon, and Nike advert regular has apparently slept with a prostitute when his wife was pregnant according to the news of the world. 2 things come to mind straight away. Firstly, he's a footballer, and releasing this in the middle of an Euro qualification session is ridiculous. Talk about trying to put a player off. And secondly: for fucks sake news of the world, why can't you just stay out of sport. First the Pakistan cricket team, which looks like it may not even be true, and now this. Just stay out of it news of the world. Just stay out of it. Of course, The News of the world are in partner with the Sun who of course, blamed Liverpool fans for the disaster at Hillsborough. So yeah, just proves how much of this is true. Rooney scored Englands open earlier today, and hopefully there'll be a few more where that came from.

Then of course there is the Pakistan - England fiasco. Of course this looks like that it might be a load of bollocks. Trust the News of the World.

Andy Murray was knocked out of the US open, i havent seen the game, or why he was knocked out, but apparently he just completely shut down. Of course he sacked his coach about a month and a half ago, but he won the Rogers Cup in Toronto the other week. Good luck Andy with the rest of the season, and we hope to see you dominate next year.

Then there's Tiger Woods' shock entry into the US Ryder cup team having been miles off getting a place. The world number 1 probably hasn't deserved a place this year. However, i'm a big fan of Tiger, and if it hadn't been for him i'd have never learnt to play golf. He may have slept with lots of women. But honestly, i don't care. I just wish he would play some good golf. He's the best player in the world, and he's the people's champion. Tiger may have done some terrible things to hurt his wife and kid. But he's a great player of the game. And could possibly be seen as the best sportsman of all time.

People's lives are always in contoversey, the fact that these men's are scralled across the news is so offputting for them. Its just shocking. Anyway, we should leave it.

Well that wasn't too hard. Maybe there'll be some more good stuff soon. Perhaps liverpool getting 6 points from 2 games or something good like that. Anyway.

My sister goes back to school tomorrow.... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

sorry, i know i shouldn't, but

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

x

pour me another

'And all she wanted was a little bit of solid.'

Basically, over the past few months since the end of school my life has got more and more stable. The end of exams and results helped it. Failing my driving test at least took that stress off my shoulders. Discovering that i can get a job practically doing what the CSI's do and not have to do all the forensics was a massive boost because i think that might be what i end up doing when i'm older. Re connecting with some friends who i hadn't spoken to in a long while definitely helped. George, sorry i didn't call last night. Had a late session and then went for a few pints with my dad and uncle. The gym has also helped my life get back on track. Having something i can do everyday, something that i can aim for, being the perfect body, and having someplace that i can meet new friends and sort my life out is really nice. I've decided that i'm aiming for the body of one of the statues i saw in the vatican museums. The one of the old guy wrestling the snake with his 2 sons. Of course i'd still like to have my right forearm, but you get my drift. This statue also made me thing a lot. Kids, pets etc. More unstable things to add to my life.

However i think i might get myself a yorkshire terrier in a few years.

'Feels like love it doesn't matter what you call it'.

Basically i've discovered just how unbelievably hot rihanna is over the last few weeks. It can't be denied. We all want to do dirty things to that girl's lovely chocolate curves. She really doesn't help herself.

'By the fourth shot i'm just another child in a bubble'

We have the school reunion thing on Monday. A waste of time really, i'm honestly unsure i can go and not punch some people in the face. Especially if they call me a prick. Or a dick. I hate being called those things. But then i know i kind of have to resist the temptation because they would only take satisfaction from it with the law suite against me. And when my life is screwed over, then who knows? I shouldn't do it. But i know i want to.

Anyway, thats just a short entry into my life. Good luck at school folks that have school. If anyone's up for a bit of smack in leamington this week then please let me know. I maybe in Norfolk this weekend having a lotr marathon as well as getting fucking wasted. As prince would say, yay.

Haha, Prince you make me laugh with your stupid voice.

And could everyone please send get well soon vibes to my friend Jasper whose recovering from a tumour. Thanks

x

Joan of Arcadia by B.Dolan.

Joan of Arc had a dildo named Jesus
made of wood from the cross of its namesake
she considered the splinters atonement
and when she came it would fill her with light.

her body was an ocean full of wreckage
her flesh was a map of hell
that spilled out the sides of her dresses
the flabby arms of modern surrender
a smothering mother's body
body like a black hole
pulling calories and emotion and her many children to her
she was childless
she was alone
she found comfort in the bible
a gravity like her own
promising always to pull her down before she floated into space
(and space was the place she feared most)
staring out her window,
distant planets were cold.
until a voice came to her in the night
she was sitting in her kitchen it was flooded with light
and she wandered out into her backyard
wearing nothing but her house dress
and there,
behind the racist lawn status and the picket fence
she saw her hedges in flames!

'speak to me lord' she said
and the world would never be the same
'speak to me lord' she said.

i killed a cunt for christ and didn't even get a thank you letter
i let Jesus take the wheel and woke up in this hospital
and though i know
he only did that shit to test my faith' i'm saying.
nothing
i'm praying
about it
i'm asking god to keep the lights on and shrink my tumors
and keep em from privatizing my job and to REACH those in power!
those who forsake this nation by not crushing the wicked &
them who will not burn the world out of their body.
those who refuse to kneel,
them who choose the wheel
those demons walking the earth
building evil empires
threatening from outside
i know that satan,
the stranger,
the foreign,
the invader
is the creator of gun crime and al-qaeda
and lord i'll understand if you want the earth to be flooded again
in fact my faith could
melt an iceberg
if you ever need a hand
just deliver me and mine to the promised,
land (x2)

Joan of Arc had a dildo named Jesus,
made of wood from the cross of it's namesake
and her orgasms were all omens
when she came it would fill her with right!

and when the light had finally left her
she lay ruined across her sheets
her mouth unhinged,
her shape like a victim
murdered, in a sleep without dreams

Joan of Arc was a warrior poet.
and she baptized the world in flame.
and she never stopped to wonder, for even a moment
why Jesus
never came.

Its an awesome song. The video on youtube doesn't have B.Dolan's old band on it, but its still a sick song. It makes you think. Thats what i like about alternative hip-hop. Its not utter bullshit like Kanye West or 50 cent. Its not about how the rapper is gonna rape his enemies mother, or about how his dick is the size of a large salmon. It makes you think. And people will hate me for saying that. The majority of hip hop fans are brainwashed by their messiahs and they can't survive without them. Eminem didn't a song about it with Dido, about how hip-hop causes people to loose their minds, and focus only on what their favourite rappers tell them. Well its bullshit. Take the masks off. This is your life. Live it.

Seriously.

I go to uni in a month. I'm looking forward to it.

I'm not sure who actually reads this, if you have read this can you text me so i know who does. If you dont have my number then email me.

I got back from Roma yesterday. Not sure why i left. Home is shit. Just arguments. Nothing else. Haha.

I know i've put this song up here before. But everyone should listen to this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ekivast3QX0

all you have to do is cmdC and cmdP. What, i'm a mac whore. deal with it.
Fight the fucking machine.

God im tired.

Hatty, if you get a chance to read this, have fun in China. I'm gonna miss you. Its weird to think that im not gonna see you for six months. I know we didnt see each other for years but i think i was secure in the knowledge that i could see you. You're one of my best friends, and i'll always be here for you, as i know you'll always be there for me.
I'm gonna miss you babe.

x