2.0

So, its been about 24 hours since the reckoning.
I have survived, i am a little scares, i have blisters from walking last night in the rain, and then i slept on my trampoline. But i feel better now. Changed. I still have the same feelings for her, and she knows that, but we're talking and that is the best i can hope for is friendship. But she should know that lastnight she looked so good and smelled even better. That is something i like in a woman, the perfume she wears, for me, it is a womans smell that does it. Nothing beings out the carnal beast more in me than a womans sent. Emma, you will probably never read the words i have written on this blog, mainly because you refused to, but i pray one day you will, beacuse that would make me happy.
I love you dearly, and i hope we stay in contact forever, more for my sake than yours. You can cope without me, but for now, i don't think i can without you.

But, i still think that i am changed.
I still want her, and my eyes are still hers, and she knows this, but i know that i can never be with her. I know i must find someone else, but i do not know where to look. For i am not welcome i fear at school by anyone. I doubt last chance will yield anything for me, and my option out of school is not talking to me. I fear i will have to wait longer than i planned.

Still, i'm alive, and i'm not dead, and you know what, i'm good. I'm really fucking good, for the first time in a long time :)


Neway, i have an exam tomorrow, i should get some rest.

I love you all, but tonight, especially lottie and emma, for helping me see the light.

Jx

Song of the day: 2.0 - Blessthefall
Quote of the day: 'A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues' - Marcus Tullius Cicero