Moments of hilarity

Sup?

Its been a while. A long long while.

I did write one of these yesterday and was nearly done but got rid of it when i realised that i didn't want it up, so i got rid of it.
Sucks to me that blog post.

Anyway.

Just as an ask, i may have already asked you fools, but please, please please please start using spotify. Just do it. Don't ask me why. Just do it.

Do it and i'll love you..... physically...... and repeatedly...... until one of us dies.....not really..... unless you want to, i'm totally ok with that.

Cheers guys.
I'm not really in the mood for this, but i'm gonna do it.
Its just a bit shit, but oh well.

Anyway, america is good, i'm tired, and im also very lonely and don't look to be getting any women anytime soon. It seems my parents lied to me.
Lets go to captiva, theres loads of nightlife.
utter bull...... unless you're a paedophile.

Speaking of which my dad made me laugh in a shop today. It was a publix, and we were buying milk and mountain dew, some guy walks past with a kid in the trolley, my dad wips out, 'hey man, where can i get me one of those beauties?'. The guy practically ran away. I nearly died with laughter. Best fucking thing i've heard in a longtime.

Then on the way home we see a truck with about a hundred watermelons in the back. We drive past, its being driven by a very black guy whose smiling for no reason.

i've also seen the perfect red-neck on this holiday as well. Guy with long brown hair, cowboy hat, a few missing fingers, missing teeth, ripped jeans, white t-shirt with a nascar vehicle on it, and the brown boots with a small heel.
I nearly died of laughter. He also spoke like a red-neck which made it fucking brilliant.

But yeah, its fucking humid hear. like stupidly so. Its killing me. I'm probably sheding 100 calories a day just standing in the heat. If you can't guess how i'm doing that then you're a retard.

Ad yeah, its 10 days till results day. I'm bricking myself, but i wish all my friends luck, and i wish all my enemies a slow painful death. But yeah, i'm pretty sure i've failed, thanks to rugby, and i hope they give me a motherfucking refund for the last 2 years, and if you need me, i'll be in leamington college, or i'll have fucked off to italy to try and make a life, or i'll have joined the army. So in 20 days time, ask me what i'm doing next year, because i don't know, and i'm quite nervous about it. Still, fuck it. Theres nothing i can do about it. i tried, my school fucked me up, and thats ok.

I also wish that love was a little bit like it was in movies, but its not. I'm not going to find anyone and we're not going to sail into the sunset. Love doesn't happen just at first sight, which sucks. I'm never gonna find anyone, and its hardly surprising. It seems all i can do is flounder. Continue to try as hard as possible. But i'm terrible at relationships, always have been. Its because i'm a passively overpowering douchebag. When i'm seeing someone i have a tendency to smother them, because thats how stupid i am.

I also wish to tell people that america is a backwards country, and that their beers are all shit. I mean really shit. Really really shit. They need to make them better. Much better.
Their cheese and sausages are also very bad.
As is their chocolate.
Damn americans.

Anyway, i'm taking at least 2 beautiful girls out when i get back to the uk. One is an old friend, one is a new one. I need to get a present for one, its her 18th and i should really get her something nice, but im not sure what. Now what would an 18 year old girl want? :P
For the new friend, i think i may buy tulips. They have always made me think of change, and i've a little bit of dutch in me. And they're nicer than roses. Roses only come out on the 4th date.

It usually runs
1. Tulips
2. Chocolates
3. Either sweet bon-bons, or Fussiers
4. Roses.

I've never got past stage 2.

I'm just a sucker for buying presents. Especailly flowers, i love them, they're buy far the nicest thing anyone can buy. Perhaps my friend would like some flowers for her birthday? There is a great shop in rugby that sells them. No, i think i've made my mind up on what she's getting. And while it may not be much, i hope it remains as a symbol. Because symbols are more important than anything else in this life.
You think i'm wrong, look around you, everything has a symbol. Everything. Everything from religion, to fast food stores, from huge corporate companies, to simple family quests. But its the truth, everything has a symhol, and people make symbols for each other. Because that is the way it is, and always will be.

Tout.

And i'm going to try and learn italian.
And then you can all be amazed by my amazing bi lingual skills :)

Anyway, i'm going to go get some sleep.

Hopefully i'll feel better about my impeding failures soon.

x