u-turn

Failure.

I broke. I wasn't going to. I'm just so miserable. I'm crying for no reason. I'm sitting in a room, its 100 degrees, im watching QI, with city and colour in the background, and i'm crying.
I don't know why.
I honestly don't know why.

I'm lost, theres nothing i can see, feel, do thats gonna make me happy. I've fallen for a good friend who i see before most of my exams, and i want to hold her, and i invited her out for a coffee but her mum was ill so she wouldn't and i'm lost. She said she would another time, but that doesn't merit this feeling of emptiness, and tears, and lose.

I cut my hair again, but unfortunately have been bitten on my forehead by a spider so have a massive lump there. And my lip is fucked again. I don't know why it does it, but it has swollen, and its weird.

But this girl, gods i want her, but i know that it is too late. And i would have had her last year if i hadn't been a fat layabout, and if i hadn't been raped at christmas. I want her, but its too late. I may see her once more if i'm lucky, and i doubt she likes me in the way i like her.
But she knows i've got her back, and i think there maybe some feeling for me. I'm a bit weird in that i never put the phone down first, listening to a persons breathes is both creepy, but also very revealing. Her breathes were ragged, as if taken aback, but there was also a sense of nervousness. And whilst we spoke lastnight, my voice, as it does when i talk to a woman i fancy over the phone, vibrates, it goes up and down, usually quite high. But when i talk to them in the flesh, it is deep. Ask Emma, she can verify this.....

haha.

So fucking tired.

I'm going to get to sleep

Candor Viribus Alas Dat

Have strength my brothers, and next year, when we are apart, remember me.

We die tonight.

C.V.A.D