beofre you complain about the spelling, im quite typsy.
But anger fills me. Im angry about my life. ABout that fucking bitch hannah whose ruining my life. About my cunt of a flatmate who betrays me by allowing that bitch hannah round everynight to see him, and my that fact that my life is collaping. The only life being the fact i quit lik this girl called Cathy. But appart from that my life is shit. Im in love with someone who wont love me because she doesnt like men. ANd hatty, when you read this, im sorry, but i love you, ialways have, you complete me, without you im nothing, and ive been scouting around girls who look like you trying to find one whose like you but i cant. Im so sorry for this. You can never like me, and i know this, and i hope you know that ill stand by you till i die
Escape thefate is the only thing allowing m to live. God i love them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLjwLWG4aYI
listen, listen till you die
lottie i need to see you, please resice me from the hell i live in. i cant take my life anymore. my walls are breached, please help repatch them. i love you as afriend till i die. and i know you and george will never be together agian, and your with some cunt who i've never met before, but you are better than him, and i know george dont want you anymore, but that guy you're with is a cunt. If he ever does anything to you, i swear ill maim him.
Anger and hate fill me, but not just that, the sene that im alone, and scared, im looking for a girl who can help me. there is one, called cathy, and she is nice, i would let her help me. But if she would or ot is totally differnet, i doubt she would, shes probs into nice guys hwo arnt pshycho and who dont have too many problems. This is my priblem. i try to find girls who will like me, this is the problem i had with sarah, she was beautiful and i fucked it up. i really liked her, and she will never look at me again. im so ugly, im so scared. im sorry hatty. you were the cause of me. you were the first girl i ever liked, and you're shaped me. You;ve made me who i am. im so sorry. im so sorry.
Please God help me, i dont want to die, i dont, i want another woman, someone who loves me and wont turn on me, someone who wont hurt me. God help me.
Monday, 24 January 2011
Saturday, 4 December 2010
Wednesday, 1 December 2010
sabatical
I've been gone for a while, i'm sorry to all my devoted readers, all none of you.
Basically the last month has been one of my favourites ever. Lots of hard work.... but apart from that it has been amazing. Some great nights, some great experiences, made some great new friends, and slowly but surely i think im becoming a happy human being.
This is down in no small part to 3 things.
firstly, the lovely hannah watson, whose really helped me. She's someone who listens to me, and someone for me to listen to. I've discovered women at uni are nothing like they were at my boarding school. The girls here will actually hold a conversation with you. They will reply to you and not simply ignore you because you're 'uncool'. Here there is no such thing as an uncool person. But best of all, coming to uni has given me a clean slate. People don't judge me here like they would at my old school, because no one knows me. Thats probably one of the benefits of going somewhere where you know no-one, no-one has any pre-made opinion about you. Its brilliant.
secondly, i couldn't have got this far without my mates, old and new. You guys are the best. Honestly you are. You guys mean everything for me, and you make my life a lot more enjoyable.
thirdly, assassins creed brotherhood, i love you......
sorry, but it is amazing, makes black ops look like elephant shit.
Work is hard, and i often find im not motivated to do it. Why would i be when i could text hannah and she would be naked in my bed in 5 minutes. It is understandable.
I've been watching a lot of special1tv on youtube recently, i advise you all to watch them, they are hilarious. So yeah, i'm not sure when i'll next be back, probably xmas sometime. dont worry, thats on 15 days 1 hour and 20 minutes (or there abouts) from now :)
No, i'm joking, this is probably my last ever post on here.
I love all of you, so very much.
And as josé would say
be champions.
x
Basically the last month has been one of my favourites ever. Lots of hard work.... but apart from that it has been amazing. Some great nights, some great experiences, made some great new friends, and slowly but surely i think im becoming a happy human being.
This is down in no small part to 3 things.
firstly, the lovely hannah watson, whose really helped me. She's someone who listens to me, and someone for me to listen to. I've discovered women at uni are nothing like they were at my boarding school. The girls here will actually hold a conversation with you. They will reply to you and not simply ignore you because you're 'uncool'. Here there is no such thing as an uncool person. But best of all, coming to uni has given me a clean slate. People don't judge me here like they would at my old school, because no one knows me. Thats probably one of the benefits of going somewhere where you know no-one, no-one has any pre-made opinion about you. Its brilliant.
secondly, i couldn't have got this far without my mates, old and new. You guys are the best. Honestly you are. You guys mean everything for me, and you make my life a lot more enjoyable.
thirdly, assassins creed brotherhood, i love you......
sorry, but it is amazing, makes black ops look like elephant shit.
Work is hard, and i often find im not motivated to do it. Why would i be when i could text hannah and she would be naked in my bed in 5 minutes. It is understandable.
I've been watching a lot of special1tv on youtube recently, i advise you all to watch them, they are hilarious. So yeah, i'm not sure when i'll next be back, probably xmas sometime. dont worry, thats on 15 days 1 hour and 20 minutes (or there abouts) from now :)
No, i'm joking, this is probably my last ever post on here.
I love all of you, so very much.
And as josé would say
be champions.
x
Saturday, 30 October 2010
Long time no speak
Sup readers.
Yeah its been a while. Been busy, drinking, sleeping, hurling, playing, you know, standard.
Just to let you know that i think this is the best time i've ever had. University was definitely the best call, Why do a gap year apart from the money. Listen. University is full of girls, clubs, friends, everything. I have everything i ever need here, and i love it.
So everyone, COME TO BIRMINGHAM, ITS THE FUCKING BEST.
HUNTER COURT.
you know it.
Anyway, im gonna be sending a few postcards out from the uni, so yeah, expect them people.
Talk soon.... maybe.
xxxxxxxx
Yeah its been a while. Been busy, drinking, sleeping, hurling, playing, you know, standard.
Just to let you know that i think this is the best time i've ever had. University was definitely the best call, Why do a gap year apart from the money. Listen. University is full of girls, clubs, friends, everything. I have everything i ever need here, and i love it.
So everyone, COME TO BIRMINGHAM, ITS THE FUCKING BEST.
HUNTER COURT.
you know it.
Anyway, im gonna be sending a few postcards out from the uni, so yeah, expect them people.
Talk soon.... maybe.
xxxxxxxx
Monday, 4 October 2010
Birmingham
Right, i have a bit of time now, am going clubbing later. Custard factor, come join me.
Yeah, basically the first week has been amazing. I've made some great friends, had some great nights, done my first walk of shame, and even ended my six months of celibacy thing.
w00t.
Birmingham is amazing. Just awesome.
I'm loving it.
Anyway. I'm going to go clubbing.
Goodnight friends
xxxxxxxxxxx
Yeah, basically the first week has been amazing. I've made some great friends, had some great nights, done my first walk of shame, and even ended my six months of celibacy thing.
w00t.
Birmingham is amazing. Just awesome.
I'm loving it.
Anyway. I'm going to go clubbing.
Goodnight friends
xxxxxxxxxxx
Freshers week
Hi, yeah i'm alive, survived freshers week one. Only another week to go.
Will become more regular when my liver and bowls have recovered.
x
Will become more regular when my liver and bowls have recovered.
x
Saturday, 25 September 2010
Going away to college
Please take me by the hand
It's so cold out tonight
I'll put blankets on the bed
I won't turn out the light
Just don't forget to think about me
And I won't forget you
I'll write you once a week she said
Why does it feel the same
To fall in love or break it off
And if young love is just a game
Then I must have missed the kick off
Don't depend on me to ever follow through on anything
But I'd go through hell for you and
[Chorus:]
I haven't been this scared in a long time
And I'm so unprepared so here's your valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody
This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful to me
I'll think about the times
She kissed me after class
And she put up with my friends
I acted like an ass
I'd ditch my lecture to watch the girls play soccer
Is my picture still hanging in her locker?
[Chorus x2]
Thats the blink 182 song going away to college. Some of it is rather apt. I mean, i honestly haven't been this scared in a long time. And i am really unprepared. It just made me realise again that i'm so scared for tomorrow. I haven't done anything like this before. And i know that some of my readers are out there now, living away from home and have got all of this sorted. My friends who are at boarding schools will already know all of this, they know what to look for. But i don't. I'm honestly petrified. And i watched a programme in the week about these 8 year olds who can do it. But i'm so scared. How did these kids do it, and why can't i? Is it that i'm gonna miss my home, or that i'm going to miss my family or that i'm doing to miss my friends, or something else? I know that it'll be great when i get there. But now its just petrifying. Its just this last few hours. And what if i don't like it? I can't leave! Gods help me.
So fucking nervous i want to scream. Cry. But then im so excited that i want to smile, i want to hug someone. I want to jump up and down.
I think that this might be a blog that has more to it than just me being nervous. So im gonna open my heart again. Lottie, it was great to see you on Tuesday. I wish i could see you more than i do. I'll come back and see you. I promise. I hope you enjoy the impromptu birthday present. And i hope that you do really well in this years studies and your exams. I know you'll do well. But if you for some unthinkable reason you don't, then i'll be here for you. I'll let you come stay at mine, i'll drop out so that you can have my place. You mean the world to me. xxxx
Emma it was also good to see you the other day, i'm sorry that i was high. Its also been great to talk to you recently. I missed not talking to you this holiday, but i think it probably did us both good. I think that i means you can now trust me, and i can now not be a total doochebag. You showed me that you think you can now trust me. And i think that i can now trust me. Good luck this year. You deserve to do well, and im sure that you'll ace your exams. And the same applies as above.
There are others, but i just took a while out.
My dad just played some pool with me. He won. But its cool. I'm gonna miss being able to do that. Just play some pool against my dad. Sucks.
Oh well. Nerves are a good thing. I've met all my roommates which is nice :)
Lottie call me tomorrow night please, i want to hear you, i hope you can calm me.
Anyway,
Goodnight, tomorrow is a new dawn, and the new start of my life. A door is open, im just nervous to step through it.
Wish me luck
x
It's so cold out tonight
I'll put blankets on the bed
I won't turn out the light
Just don't forget to think about me
And I won't forget you
I'll write you once a week she said
Why does it feel the same
To fall in love or break it off
And if young love is just a game
Then I must have missed the kick off
Don't depend on me to ever follow through on anything
But I'd go through hell for you and
[Chorus:]
I haven't been this scared in a long time
And I'm so unprepared so here's your valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody
This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful to me
I'll think about the times
She kissed me after class
And she put up with my friends
I acted like an ass
I'd ditch my lecture to watch the girls play soccer
Is my picture still hanging in her locker?
[Chorus x2]
Thats the blink 182 song going away to college. Some of it is rather apt. I mean, i honestly haven't been this scared in a long time. And i am really unprepared. It just made me realise again that i'm so scared for tomorrow. I haven't done anything like this before. And i know that some of my readers are out there now, living away from home and have got all of this sorted. My friends who are at boarding schools will already know all of this, they know what to look for. But i don't. I'm honestly petrified. And i watched a programme in the week about these 8 year olds who can do it. But i'm so scared. How did these kids do it, and why can't i? Is it that i'm gonna miss my home, or that i'm going to miss my family or that i'm doing to miss my friends, or something else? I know that it'll be great when i get there. But now its just petrifying. Its just this last few hours. And what if i don't like it? I can't leave! Gods help me.
So fucking nervous i want to scream. Cry. But then im so excited that i want to smile, i want to hug someone. I want to jump up and down.
I think that this might be a blog that has more to it than just me being nervous. So im gonna open my heart again. Lottie, it was great to see you on Tuesday. I wish i could see you more than i do. I'll come back and see you. I promise. I hope you enjoy the impromptu birthday present. And i hope that you do really well in this years studies and your exams. I know you'll do well. But if you for some unthinkable reason you don't, then i'll be here for you. I'll let you come stay at mine, i'll drop out so that you can have my place. You mean the world to me. xxxx
Emma it was also good to see you the other day, i'm sorry that i was high. Its also been great to talk to you recently. I missed not talking to you this holiday, but i think it probably did us both good. I think that i means you can now trust me, and i can now not be a total doochebag. You showed me that you think you can now trust me. And i think that i can now trust me. Good luck this year. You deserve to do well, and im sure that you'll ace your exams. And the same applies as above.
There are others, but i just took a while out.
My dad just played some pool with me. He won. But its cool. I'm gonna miss being able to do that. Just play some pool against my dad. Sucks.
Oh well. Nerves are a good thing. I've met all my roommates which is nice :)
Lottie call me tomorrow night please, i want to hear you, i hope you can calm me.
Anyway,
Goodnight, tomorrow is a new dawn, and the new start of my life. A door is open, im just nervous to step through it.
Wish me luck
x
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